your head will collapse and there's nothing in it

"if there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from."

I'm really happy at home. Commuting issues aside, Katie's move-in has been more splendid than I had imagined. I feel more centered and settled; less upheaval of living in two places at once. I was my own matter and anti-matter*. A man divided against himself cannot stand. Suffice it to say: it's good. Very good.

Which only heightens the contrast with the doldrums at work. I need change. And not the "I'm going to Japan again" change because I am going, on saturday, and I seem to keep forgetting about it. Hm. I've people to talk to that I don't want to talk to. Presentations to review that I just can't make sense of. I read the words but they flow phonetically through my brain like sanskrit. I'm ending sentences in prepositions. Not caring about not caring. Ugh. Even coffee's not helping spark the cold dead ashes of ambition.

It sucks because workboredom bleeds out into exterior life and makes me not want to do anything. Make dinner? why bother when you can sit and eat crackers. Put together that stereo cabinet? I can't even muster the effort to put on a record.

maybe I should stop getting up at 6:15am to go running.


*Which doesn't actually make sense because that would mean my being "together" now would annihilate me and leave only the equivalent energy (which, right now, feels about zero). A zen concept to ponder for another day.