paging eliot ness

Amongst Belgian beers, perhaps the Trappiste beers are the most famous. There's only seven of them: it has to be brewed at one of the monastaries. Checking out one of their websites, I've had Orval, Rochefort, Westmalle, and all the Chimays. I decided to click the link for Westvleteren so I could see what the bottle looked like and keep an eye out for it. Turns out I'll probably never have it, as it's only sold at the brewery, and with some arcane rules:

1. You call the beer phone to know when, how much and which beer can be reserved at that time.
2. You call back at the indicated time.
3. You make an appointment with the operator (date and time) and you give the license plate number of the car that will collect the order.

I think those monks are bootleggers, runnin' moonshine stills. Open up your special second "gas" tank and they'll "give you a fillup." I can see them all Al Caponed driving sleek art deco Ford coupes with tommy gunners on the running boards, monkish robes flapping in the wind, their faces masked with calm piety as they mow down their competition. Also,

Westvleteren Trappist is only sold to individual customers. Every customer promises not to sell the beer to others.

See? They've got God on their side. They'll know if you break The Rules. Look out.