why is the bedroom so cold

There's this picture of me from when I was about four or five. I was in my room, attempting to clean it up per my mother's orders. In the picture, I'm lying face down on a large stuffed bear with my legs tucked under me, fast asleep in my blue t-shirt and white underwear (where my pants went, no one knows). My room is still a mess.

Just now I went upstairs to try and make sense of the clothes explosion, and carrying a laundry basekt. I suddenly had the overpowering urge to lay down in the laundry, and so I did. I lay there, face first with my legs tucked under me in a red hooded sweatshirt and grey courderoys. I am tired. Tired. I've been this way most of the day.

I've been this way a lot lately: my energy just drains away and when that happens my ambition approaches absolute zero. This tends to get me pretty low, which just feeds back into my feelings of empty. At that point I just want to curl up and lie there for a week or so.

As I was lying in the laundry, I had two realizations: one, I think I define myself by activity, and feeling sedentary is equitable (or at least interchangeable) with depression. Secondly, I probably need to be exercising more. I'm used to exerting myself significantly at least every other day, but lately my body has been breaking down on me. My left shoulder is refusing to lift anything heavier than a laundry basket, and my right knee* has decided that biking is uncomfortable and running is out of the question.

so. We'll try coffee for now, and maybe some light plumbing. It can serve the dual purpose of being mildly active and also feeding my need to accomplish to feel worthwhile.



*actually, my ilio-tibial band, which is technically a connecting fascia between the hip joint and knee.